


All He Has Left

by Missis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Boy Love, M/M, Multi, MxM - Freeform, Niall Centric, Not A Happy Ending, One-Shot, Polyamory, Ziaounarry, niall is lonely, remenicing, x factor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 07:51:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3319757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missis/pseuds/Missis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall can remember the moment he fell in love, and he can describe just how it felt when doing so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All He Has Left

Niall can remember the moment he fell in love, and he can describe just how it felt when doing so. Well no, it was not really falling because there was no deep seeded panic or head spinning rush. No, Niall would describe it as though he was floating upwards. Niall would laugh and say that floating towards love was the most pleasant thing he has ever experienced. His body was not his own as it would rise softly, moving gently to the subtle changes in the wind. He’d feel the air around him growing warmer and watch as the sun grew brighter and the sky lighter. He’d lay there lethargically and allow for himself to be lifted, to be carried away on a gentle breeze. Niall loved floating in love, it was his favorite of all his memories.

The moment that it all started, this love story, is Niall’s favorite part.

Meeting each other had been by chance, befriending one another was pure bliss. They had wanted to reach fame on their own. Although after they had been pushed together Niall couldn’t have imagined how he would have made it without them. He could recall them vaguely before they had been a group, each of them off in differing sections of boot camp, doing different things he hadn’t really cared to know till now. All Niall really remembers from before is sitting on steps and singing with his fingers strumming wonderfully over his guitar.

He doesn’t remember them watching him with smiles on their faces, wondering about him. No, Niall doesn’t remember that because that is their memory. Their first glimpse of the Irish lad had been one of awe and flushed faces. Niall doesn’t really recall them before they were all mashed together in fly by group of solo acts.

After though.. Niall remembers everything.

Niall remembers smiling, he remembers laughing, and he remembers thinking that these boys are the ones. Their love story hadn’t happened in an instant, but it was more something of a slow burn. It felt like a fairytale, the one where Niall would openly admit to being the maiden fair and the boys as being his prince charmings.

They had been moved into the same room as one another, a disaster was what that was. There was no floor left to be seen, Niall forgot that it was actual carpet underneath all the clothes and other things that had been thrown around carelessly. Yet, it felt so perfect. Niall found happiness in that room, it is where he learned things about the boys he had never thought he would get to know. He remembers lying awake, the lights having long since been turned off and the soft snores of the other boys whistling through out.

It was then that Niall remembers thinking, “This is it.” And it was the morning that followed when Niall told them, “I’m gay.”

Their reactions had been the best part. Liam had choked on his drink, his eyes bugging out as he choked in lungful’s of air. Louis had stopped, his body having gone completely still except for his arm which trembled just slightly as he clutched at the refrigerator handle. Harry had only looked up, his brow furrowing in a bit of confusion. And Zayn, now Zayn had been his favorite. Zayn had just smiled.

The rest of that day had been awkward, Louis wouldn’t meet his eye. Liam would stutter and flush deeply before muttering an excuse and leave the room. Harry would just stare while Zayn would continue to smile to himself. Niall had only gone on as he would, he laughed, he joked, he sang, and he loved.

It was during the night, when they were all tucked away in their bunks and their heavy breathes filled the tiny room again, did Niall whisper how happy he was. Niall didn’t hear the soft choked gasp from across the room, he didn’t see the way someone lifted themselves out of their bed or know that each of the boys returned the sentiment. Niall knew none of this because he had drifted off to sleep. He didn’t know that all the other boys had been left to get little to no sleep that night, and that the reason they seemed so terrible the next day was because they had realized something significant that night.

They had realized that they themselves were floating right along side Niall.

It was a couple of days later when Zayn had tangled his fingers into Niall’s hair, tugging playfully at the soft strands. Zayn’s expression had been warm and open as he worked his fingers harder into the base of Niall’s neck. Niall had always gotten lost in the way Zayn had first touched him. The memory had been intimate and something Niall held close to his person, even to this day. Niall had keened softly then, his eyes had fallen lidded before Zayn pulled away. The smirk the older boy had worn made Niall want to punch him for stopping. Though all Niall could muster was his head falling forward to thunk against the granite counter tops. Niall didn’t remember Louis watching or that Harry was gawking. Niall did remember Liam coming in and Zayn plopping down next to him on another bar stool.

It had been later that week when Niall was cornered by Louis. Niall had been pressed into the corner of the room, his body curving into the space where the two walls met as Louis caged him in. He had curled his arms around his body as he tilted his head to the side. He had been wide eyed and curious as to what Louis wanted. He knew what he had wanted Louis to want, he craved for the eldest to touch him, take him, want him.

And want Louis did.

Louis had placed a hand upon Niall’s hip, his thumb pressing hard into soft flesh of Niall’s clothed stomach. He was breathing heavily and the space between his eyebrows was crinkled. Niall had wanted to smooth it out, but he wouldn’t dare touch the other. No, Niall knew what was happening. Louis was working through and accepting something he never thought himself to be. Niall’s grin was sweet and soft, his head was bowed just slightly and he stared up at the other expectantly through brown lashes. It didn’t take long before Louis was pulling Niall closer, his mouth having fallen open as he looked for the right thing to say.

"I don’t know what I’m doing." He had said and Niall had chuckled.

Untangling his arms, Niall reached out and pressed his fingers between Louis eyebrows, “I’m just as clueless as you.” His voice was barely above a whisper and he was surprised with the way Louis turned into his hand so quickly, “but I know we can figure it out.” Louis had kissed him then.

It was nothing more than a press of lips, hard against one another. It grew a tad painful as Louis’ grip on his hip tightened, but Niall just sighed into it. It ended quickly enough. The trembling of Niall’s laughter was cause enough for Louis to pull away, his face twisting in confusion and irritation. Niall gently pressed his palm against Louis’ cheek, his smile was blinding and his eyes were shining. Then he was giggling again. The sound just bubbling from somewhere, the moment was not funny but it created such elation and giddiness that Niall tilted backwards more into the corner of the room. The moment floated him higher.

"Jesus you’re weird."

Niall should have felt offended, but he couldn’t be bothered because right then Niall knew for certain that he was lost in this feeling.

"You love it." He breathed in reply.

"Yeah I guess I do." And Niall grinned so hard his face hurt.

Louis had stuck close to him after that, his hand never far from his person. Zayn hovered closely as well, his eyes a pleasant caress. Niall would watch as they both tested one another, they pushed one another to see how far they could go before the other stepped in to sweep Niall away. And Niall, he didn’t know how fun it could be to watch this hesitant dance between Zayn and Louis.

Though it had been Harry who had claimed him one night. He had grasped hold of Niall’s wrist before tugging the other roughly into his lap. Niall fell ungracefully into Harry, though his jovial laugh was loud and booming. Every eye was watching them that night. They all lay witness to Harry manhandling Niall against himself, his large hands running restlessly over Niall’s torso. The movie played forgotten on the screen, a myriad of colors danced throughout the room though none of them took notice. They were focused, zeroed in on the pair that lay on the large couch. Finally though the pair got settled with Harry pressed back into the couch on his side and an almost possessive arm wrapped around Niall’s waist and his head propped on the blonde’s temple.

Niall glanced up at Harry and he knew then that the confidence, the bravado, Harry was exuding was something the younger had put on. Niall could see the uncertainty. Those green eyes were restless, they were shifting and his fingers flexed nervously into the fabric of Niall’s pull over. Harry wasn’t sure, he didn’t know how much he could touch or how much he could have as his own. Niall would have laughed if he didn’t know how that would make Harry feel. No, what Niall did instead was smile kindly at Zayn and Louis before locking eyes with Liam and nodding. Then he turned with his back towards the others and slowly inched his fingers up Harry’s side. Niall didn’t lift his eyes, instead he watched the path his fingers took all on their own.

He could feel Harry’s curious gaze boring into himself and it made for Niall’s lips to quirk up in the corners, his cheeks dusting lightly. Niall only chanced a glance upward the moment his fingers came to rest upon Harry’s neck, his pale fingers contrasting harshly against Harry’s tan.

Niall huffed out a breath as he shifted closer, “It’s alright.” He murmured quietly.

He lifted his gaze just a bit to see the large green eyes of one Harry Styles, a boy who would grow into a stunning man that would leave girls a sobbing mess in the streets, a future sex icon. But, here he was now before it all. He looked absolutely terrified, and Niall would find that hilarious later on. But for now, before everything else happens and all that is left is memories, does Niall squeeze Harry’s neck reassuringly before tilting his head back enough so he could brush his lips over Harry’s chin.

Niall had to bite his lip at the soft gasp and the spark that took hold of those endlessly green eyes.

"Okay." Harry had whispered back, his mouth was spread into one of his dimple inducing grins that would forever leave Niall weak kneed, "Okay, yeah—good."

And Niall snorted softly then, his nose crinkling before speaking gently, “Yeah, very good.”

For the rest of that night Niall had laid curled into Harry, reveling in the heavy petting of Harry’s hand along his back and the silence of the room. There was tension in the air, but it was the kind that Niall knew would work itself out. And just how Niall knew it would work out was the way he knew Harry was watching Louis, his eyes flicking up to their eldest bandmate. Niall knew he wasn’t the one they loved most, but he was the catalyst for the love that would follow. He was the spark that would bring them all together and get them all to love each other.

It was after that night some days later that Niall sought Liam out because he was the only one left that Niall needed before he could put all the pieces together. It had been that morning when Zayn had ruffled his hair, Louis pressed a sloppy kiss to Niall’s temple, and Harry’s hug lasted just an eternity to long. It was then when Liam had sat down for breakfast, his face pinched and brow wrinkled that Niall knew Liam wouldn’t move first.

Niall had found him by the pool, his feet kicking aimlessly at the water and Niall was struck with just how perfect Liam could actually be and Niall wanted nothing more than for Liam to join them because it was nothing without him. Slowly Niall crept out to Liam, his footfalls quiet and measured as to not disturb this image of Liam. He came to crouch low behind the older boy and allowed a warm puff of air to pass over Liam’s neck catching the other’s attention. It was then that Niall sprung forward, his arms catching around Liam’s shoulders and throwing them both into the chilled water of the pool that had been provided by the show.

Niall came up laughing, shaking his head like a wet dog. His laughter only grew as Liam sputtered and cursed upon surfacing. His face was pinched again and Niall just wanted to pressed kisses everywhere to make it go away.

"Niall what the hell do you think you were doing? I am fully clothed!" Liam had cried indignantly, "My God sometimes I don’t think you—"

"I love you."

And Liam stopped, his eyes growing wide. He was stunned.

"Wha—What? Ni—"

"I love you, but I also love them. I love you all, and you all love each other."

Liam could only squack loudly, his body seeming to convulse and Niall swam over to him. The water was shallow, only deep enough to reach their waists and when Niall stood again, after reaching Liam, he wrapped his arms around the taller boy and pulled his head forward.

"If you don’t love me like this then st—" But Liam was already licking into his mouth, his hand holding Niall’s head in place and his other arm wrapped possessively around Niall’s waist.

Niall could only hum into the kiss as he allowed for Liam to take whatever he wanted, he allowed for Liam to clutch at him and tug incessantly at Niall’s wet clothes. Niall didn’t mind because in that moment Niall was miles away, his thoughts tangled in the idea of them loving each other. They would work, he knew they would. They blended so well together.

And blend they did. The task to get them all to see what Niall saw in each and everyone of them but for each other, was difficult. They were too focused in getting the blondes attention, but Niall had fought for them. Slowly they learned and eventually they began to open up. Niall had seen the way Harry would glance at Louis, or the way Louis’ hand would linger a touch too long on Liam’s shoulder. Niall saw it all, and he floated so high as they all went from five to only one.

It was Zayn who had initiated it, he had kissed Liam hard. Niall had given a breathless shout of ‘Finally!” And soon they loved each other openly and regularly. No one was left out.

It was that time on X-Factor that Niall had come to love the boys, where he allowed himself to be given to 4 beautiful men. It was in that moment that Niall knew without a doubt they were going to be big, that they were no longer nobody’s but somebody’s that girls dreamed about at night. Niall understood that what they had could never be public. But he never said this, he never brought it up because it wasn’t something that needed addressing because he knew that talking about it would fuck everything up.

But someone else had said it. Niall won’t remember who exactly, but he just knows that it was said because the peace he had felt then was disturbed.

Management had been furious. They had all looked at each boy with distain and unhappiness, and Niall knew that what they had together would probably never be accepted. The pain that it brought Niall when he realized this forced for him to accept that he could live with hiding, and keeping their love secret if it meant that they were still his.

Niall could do this, he could watch them be with other people because they had promised. They had said they would love each other quietly and behind close doors, and smile and kiss others to please their audience. But, they would always return to each other, and that put Niall at ease.

So Niall watched as his boys were paired off. Louis had been first, management had been more aware of the surfacing rumors around Louis and it was decided upon that Louis would be the first to go. Niall had watched quietly as Louis met Eleanour, she was stunning and she was everything Niall wished he was if he was a female. And Niall liked her.

Zayn had been next. Zayn had met Perrie and Niall smiled pitifully as they seemed to grow attached. But Niall knew who Zayn truly loved, he knew that the kisses they gave one another were for camera’s, were to prove how straight their band was. At night Zayn would still hold him, he would kiss him and he would love each and every one of them.

Danielle Peazer was something else, she was gorgeous and Niall had wanted to hate her so much. He strove to find fault in every part of her being, but Niall found himself half in love with her by the time he finished meeting her, and he knew Liam was too. Niall though allowed it all, he never said a word because this was how they were going to stay together. Management was being generous, so very generous.

Harry though, bless him, Harry couldn’t seem to find stability in anyone. Niall didn’t worry about Harry, he knew that their youngest wouldn’t be gone for too long because he would come floating right in back to their bed, to Niall’s arms. Harry was constant in his renewal of girlfriends. But Niall knew that Management would make him settle eventually.

And then their was Niall. Management had stared at him, dissecting him and processing just who would be right for him. Niall was the single one, the one who was constantly available and under rumor of having a bird in waiting. It gave Niall a sigh of relief, allowed him to breathe easier to know that he was the one that didn’t have to have a messy side relationship.

Everything was perfect. They had a cover, they were allowed to love each other freely as long as no camera caught sight. Heterosexual was the ideal push for boy bands, it was what sold records to make money. Hormonal teenage girls were what they sought, and they were sucked in by the idea that there was a chance that anyone of these beautiful boys could be theirs. Heterosexuality sells records.

So Niall smiles because when they retire from practice they all fall into one another. Niall laughs because they are still his, till the moment that they aren’t. Louis is the first to drift off, he doesn’t come home some nights and Niall can see bruises that weren’t there before. Liam is next because Danielle is— she is just stunning and Niall really can’t blame him. Zayn just disappears and Harry eventually finds her (she’s pretty, and she comes from some wack job family that Niall finds rather off putting) and Niall is the only one left.

They don’t break up, no one really says the words but they are implied and Niall refuses to read between the lines. They are still his boys till the moment they tell him that they aren’t.

Niall remembers the moment he fell—floated into love, and he can describe just how it felt when doing so. But he can also remember how it feels to love an empty space, because that's all that is left. That and all the memories he is left with.

**Author's Note:**

> I am right sorry for not continuing the story I had posted previous.. I just couldn't continue with it. The story wasn't well thought out and rushed at the worst of times. I am sorry. I am leaving the beginning chapter because I really did enjoy it and I understand fully if anyone is angry.. I don't really know if anyone was still waiting on an update. Again I apologize sincerely.


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